Thursday, January 18, 2018

I am sorry too, dear brother

I never thought you would leave..

"I'm blessed with an angel, like heaven might send,
And I call her Priya, My sister and friend,
It's so good to know someone special, who shares
My secrets, my laughter, my dreams and my care,
Someone through good times and bad, when there's tears,
It's so good to know you priya, my one and only sweet sister...
... through the years,
Yes, it's a birthday wish from a brother to the little sister he is so fond of.

I never thought you would leave..

"Now that I am moving out of the country, my life shall change once for all, so shall hers. Our home time, this aura, our chit-chats, this phase of life, everything might change altogether over my period of stay abroad. I will miss her very much, please take care of her". I was moved when you shed tears to my friend.

I never thought you would leave..

"I miss your Rakhi this year. But I wish I do not miss it hereafter in our coming years. Your love and care has always left me a soul nearby saying, as your sister I am here with my shoulders for you to share your happiness and sorrow..Today I also ensure that I will also provide my soul and shoulders for you my dear..Take care of your health...", you wrote to me.

I never thought you would leave..

Disheartened at being bullied, I cried my heart out that afternoon. So embarrassed as I was with my actually-not-that-bad 'V' teeth, I felt helplessly low and shaken about how presentable I would look in the future. When my fear was unheard by all around, you simply put an end to it. Forever I owe my assertive smile to my orthodontist and you, of course. 
How crucial it is for a woman to feel confident about herself! How significant it is to keep the woman in the family happy! I know.

I never thought you would leave..

Winding back a few years, I see myself comforted & elated at your boundless affection. You, are not a brother my parents gave me, but one my blood brother blessed me with. Back when I was 11 years old, I first met a pencil-thin, spectacled, fair devil who was just always cheerful - for no specific reason. You were no less than a rebel. I always bust a gut laughing at the memory of you hitting a ball accidentally at our Social Science teacher during morning play time at School and from that day forth mam converting our morning playtime to morning special classes once for all. :D Always bouncing around, never did I see you confined to a place in our outlying yet vivacious happy place - our school. We shared a profound bro-sis bond that strengthened over 14 years of nurturing with delightful memories. I once heard you say "Appa is driving, Amma in the front seat, sons and daughter behind, this is a perfect scene of a happy family". 
And one day, you just left. 

I never thought you would leave.. without even bidding good bye.

Is there anything at all that can't be sorted out with a heartfelt conversation? You never heard my rationale,  but I did not give up, did I? The more I chased, the farther you ran and I made up my mind to stop chasing at a point hoping you would turn back.. someday. Life has taken countless turns then on and we are certainly not in the same point on the road where we parted ways. But, at every walk of life, at every turn I took, I fervently prayed for your well-being. It was not easy, brother. Not easy then, not easy yet. I have evolved as a person, into a mother, a new self you have not known of. I now have an adorable little man who would love to be cradled in your arms. 

My world is a happy place. But the space left by you remains empty.

I only hope you sent this.
I am always here, have always been, shall always be; if only you choose not to hide from me. 


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