Saturday, July 20, 2019

The Child (I)n Mom

Deafening screams of her core
Diminishing the squeals of her youngster;
Somewhere into the noises of present,
Seeped through the voices of past.

Little did she know that
Innocent smiles of long ago
In-deed made times glow.
Aimlessly drifting kite...
Amusingly gliding paper-boat...
Strangely satisfying to quote.

Building her own maze &
Dwelling in her joyous days,
Ain't they self-same?
Eyes shut at this juncture,
A quick gaze at herself clasping mother,
She keeps patting her snuggling toddler.

Amidst the bustling now & rustling then,
In-between the toing & froing sun,
Back & forth, she bounced
Between mothering & being mothered.

Friday, April 5, 2019

'A Quiet Place' lingers

'A Quiet Place' disrupts your quietude. 
Daunting noises unwilling to settle in my head after heeding the unspoken conversations. "The very first scene of downright adorable Beau dying a toy death distresses you" is an under-statement. I was crushed watching Beau's mom sob in silence, at the edge of my seat already, as the movie began. A family's indestructible sense of togetherness, come what may, their inconceivable determination to hold on to the gift of life, sheer acceptance of uncertainty and most of all, their sustained efforts to rebuild-conspire-confront for life are unquestionably astounding.

Most of the time, we don't appreciate enough the 'giving' nature of our parents, their invaluable advices for life, our liberty of choice, the generous amount of time bestowed upon us, euphonious nectar-like music that heals and so on. Giving it a thought, we conveniently evade acknowledging and exercising what we have, don’t we? 

Summing up my takeaways from 'A Quiet Place':
  1. Know the value of your life. 
  2. Cognize what you have. 
  3. Stillness doesn’t necessarily mean death. 
  4. Be frightened until you die or boast boldness till you live, after all bravery is the real beauty. "உச்சிமீது வானிடிந்து வீழுகின்ற போதினும்அச்சமென்பதில்லையே." - பாரதியார்
  5. Seek all possible means to live your life.
  6. Work invariably to be useful to the society.
  7. Remember, there is always light at the end of the tunnel. 
  8. Be grateful.
  9. See through a dad's eye to feel his love & his pain.
  10. Worship your mother. 
I indeed feel more privileged than ever that I have food, shelter & a loving family. 
Celebrate life.

Thursday, January 18, 2018

I am sorry too, dear brother

I never thought you would leave..

"I'm blessed with an angel, like heaven might send,
And I call her Priya, My sister and friend,
It's so good to know someone special, who shares
My secrets, my laughter, my dreams and my care,
Someone through good times and bad, when there's tears,
It's so good to know you priya, my one and only sweet sister...
... through the years,
Yes, it's a birthday wish from a brother to the little sister he is so fond of.

I never thought you would leave..

"Now that I am moving out of the country, my life shall change once for all, so shall hers. Our home time, this aura, our chit-chats, this phase of life, everything might change altogether over my period of stay abroad. I will miss her very much, please take care of her". I was moved when you shed tears to my friend.

I never thought you would leave..

"I miss your Rakhi this year. But I wish I do not miss it hereafter in our coming years. Your love and care has always left me a soul nearby saying, as your sister I am here with my shoulders for you to share your happiness and sorrow..Today I also ensure that I will also provide my soul and shoulders for you my dear..Take care of your health...", you wrote to me.

I never thought you would leave..

Disheartened at being bullied, I cried my heart out that afternoon. So embarrassed as I was with my actually-not-that-bad 'V' teeth, I felt helplessly low and shaken about how presentable I would look in the future. When my fear was unheard by all around, you simply put an end to it. Forever I owe my assertive smile to my orthodontist and you, of course. 
How crucial it is for a woman to feel confident about herself! How significant it is to keep the woman in the family happy! I know.

I never thought you would leave..

Winding back a few years, I see myself comforted & elated at your boundless affection. You, are not a brother my parents gave me, but one my blood brother blessed me with. Back when I was 11 years old, I first met a pencil-thin, spectacled, fair devil who was just always cheerful - for no specific reason. You were no less than a rebel. I always bust a gut laughing at the memory of you hitting a ball accidentally at our Social Science teacher during morning play time at School and from that day forth mam converting our morning playtime to morning special classes once for all. :D Always bouncing around, never did I see you confined to a place in our outlying yet vivacious happy place - our school. We shared a profound bro-sis bond that strengthened over 14 years of nurturing with delightful memories. I once heard you say "Appa is driving, Amma in the front seat, sons and daughter behind, this is a perfect scene of a happy family". 
And one day, you just left. 

I never thought you would leave.. without even bidding good bye.

Is there anything at all that can't be sorted out with a heartfelt conversation? You never heard my rationale,  but I did not give up, did I? The more I chased, the farther you ran and I made up my mind to stop chasing at a point hoping you would turn back.. someday. Life has taken countless turns then on and we are certainly not in the same point on the road where we parted ways. But, at every walk of life, at every turn I took, I fervently prayed for your well-being. It was not easy, brother. Not easy then, not easy yet. I have evolved as a person, into a mother, a new self you have not known of. I now have an adorable little man who would love to be cradled in your arms. 

My world is a happy place. But the space left by you remains empty.

I only hope you sent this.
I am always here, have always been, shall always be; if only you choose not to hide from me. 

Saturday, January 13, 2018

Sarahah - uncalled for

Wait. Constructive messages why be anonymous?

Sarahah - an anonymous messaging application that was sensational among netizens a few weeks ago. Screenshots flooding social networking sites, eyes going agog for new message notification, mind raring for more and more, it appeared as though it was the need of the hour.
As its description says,
"Sarahah helps you in discovering your strengths and areas for improvement by receiving honest feedback from your employees and your friends in a private manner"
To me, it is plainly "anyone can say anything to anyone and get away with it", be it any anonymous messaging platform for that matter. Now, why do we use it in general?

  1. For constructive/destructive criticism
  2. To praise/abuse someone
  3. To simply express yourself
  4. To play fun pranks 
The last one was fun. I found some amusing snapshots on my FB wall.😄 Sharing one such tongue-in-cheek jest below.

But take a serious look, why Sarahah otherwise?

  • Saying "You have a great voice, it was a pleasure listening to you!" or "You can do this better" in person makes a significant difference, don't you think so? Every artist needs recognition and that is better done in person any day.
  • Abusing/bullying/insulting someone is not justifiable in the first place. Picture below shows some frightful reports from 2016 cyberbullying data. 
  • Rule of thumb: Never drift from your standards. Keep up your virtues even if you choose anonymity.
  • Come on, you think you have so much time to spend on messengers? Get real. Life is short. 
  • Don't be cowardly and go anonymous. Why not confront with charisma?
  • Do not propose anonymously, never just because someone is beautiful. Remember, beauty is only skin deep. Character lasts.
Well, aren't these the values that add beauty to our lives? To me, they absolutely do.

Every soul longs for the slightest signs of love and affection. We never get tired of kindness, do we? At the end of the day, the people you meet and be with in your lifetime are all that you have. Why not keep your circle happy? Why not take time to appreciate the goodness you come across? Why not make someone smile? Why not help someone be strong again? Why not embrace the differences and co-exist?

Why not show up for real and do all these?

From my experience:

"You are beautiful", popped up in my phone. Flashing a brief smile, I carried on.
A message after a few days read "You are cute but stop exhibiting". I smiled again, this time at the false audacity of someone without a name and face calling me an exhibitionist. Another sent "You are the love of my life but I never had the guts to tell you". Period. This one had me chuckling along with my husband and dear son.
A few more notifications and I uninstalled it.

A faint heart never won a lady. You are one, Sarahah. Good bye.

Tuesday, March 7, 2017

A glimpse of my weekend

Besides all the pettifogging with loved ones, amidst trying to organise myself or unravel the purpose of my life yet again, being surrounded all over by the household clumsiness, beginning of my weekend was no less than a big-time mess up.

There was just no staying power in me to set things right on that sluggish Saturday morning.
Pointlessly staring at my phone which did not beep as per my wish anyway, I somehow bumped into the talented humour buff Mr. Alexander, an Indian stand-up comedian. This guy cracked me up and transformed my then hopelessly torpid state at once.
'Trichur brother's Music, Matar paneer, Alex's humour and some quality family time'  - I am happy.
Revived and reminded to explore my 'half-forgotten' abilities or at least resume my not so long ago routine. 

Wednesday, December 7, 2016


கைகொட்டி நகைத்தவர்களும் கைகூப்பி வணங்க,
அவமரியாதை செய்தவர்களும் 'அம்மாஎன்றழ,
நீ வீழ மாட்டாயா என எதிர்நோக்கிய கண்களும்
நேற்று நீ மீண்டெழ மாட்டாயா என ஏங்க,
'ஆணவம்எனும் அடைமொழி இன்று 'இரும்பு மனம்என மாறிட,
வெற்றிடமாய்ப்போனபலர் உணர்ந்திராத நீ இருந்த இடம்
அனைவர் மனதிலும் உறுத்திக்கொண்டிருக்க,

போற்றத்தக்க பரிமாணங்கள்;
அதிரவைக்கும் அச்சமின்மை;
வியப்பூட்டும் நாவன்மை;
எழில்மிகு தனித்தன்மை;
அசைக்கவல்ல அமைவடக்கம் - என
உன்னை பார்த்தபோதெல்லாம் உள்ளூக்கம் பெற்ற நான் -

உதவிய நல்லுள்ளத்தை ஏளனம் செய்து,
இன்று அதையே உயர்த்திப்பேசும் இரட்டை தரங்களையும்,
மறைந்தபின் புகழாரம் சூட்டும் நிலையற்ற மாந்தரையும்
முதல் முறை உற்றுநோக்கியபின் உணர்ந்தேன் -

உன் உறக்கமே அமைதி நிறைந்தது என!

Friday, August 26, 2016

A sinister night out

From the pitch-darkness emerged a skinny tall mysterious man - Mr. Myst.

Our otherwise loosey-goosey night stroll paused for a minute when Mr. Husband (K) and I saw a stranger sharing the lonely dark street with us. Mr. Myst quite suspiciously paced towards us; casually whistling a strange tune which somehow sounded deceiving to me. Nevertheless, K found everything absolutely fine and hence we resumed.

The silent street was bordered on both sides by houses fast asleep already. At almost a 50-feet distance from Mr. Myst, I was only growing skeptical, wondering if we should walk further or take an alternate route. Unfortunately, we did not have a choice as I saw the other route creepier with all the lights off and the damp muddy path leading to even more darkness; making me unwillingly step forward with the sweet memories of our delightful evening flashing back in my mind - in a way reminding me of how precious time and life are.

It was a long awaited get away to the calm, serene, nature-kissed landscape carrying charismatic sky high mountains - Queen of hills, also called as Udhagamandalam!

1. A catnap wrapped under the warmth of my quilt
2. A cup of smokey hot filter coffee
3. Lazy drowsy talks with K
- were all that the majestic city left me craving for.

But yes, with the onset of hunger, our minds were washed out of every thought other than that of food. K put on his jacket in a minute when I was carefully peeping out of the glass window to check if the cool breeze would spare us that evening.

Soon after stepping out of the room, undeterred by the spine-chilling weather, we revelled in a lonely-lovely walk on a beautiful road surrounded by greenery and vibrant flowers. The soul-stirring aura instantly animated us despite K and I being majorly hunger stricken. Our tired strolls turned into crazy running on the pavement which continued until our fun chase ended at A2B (Adyar Anandha Bhavan).
Without uttering a word, we kept eating until our stomachs ached. Later did we realise that it was already 11 PM & most part of A2B was already shut down. It was only then we heeded the dead silence of the chilly deserted roads outside.

Deciding not to go back via the beautiful lonely path we took earlier as it was unsafe that late, we took the road less traveled by with an exaggerated swagger as K was all proud about his GPS. No later than an hour we understood that utmost reliance on GPS can make one a hapless victim any day. Yes. Our mobile GPS failed miserably in guiding us and we ended up in a daunting human-less(at least at that moment) alien street.

My fears were growing for K's safety and mine as I heard the fast treads of Mr. Myst approaching us. To my shock, I had a faint yet certain view of Mr. Myst carrying some kind of a weapon tucked behind him - hidden visibly on purpose. Chilling me to the marrow, I heard my own pounding heart beats and at once clenched K's arm tight. K, who was equally puzzled, without losing his cool reassured me that there was nothing to worry; but I was not convinced this time.

In the blink of an eye, Mr. Myst walked up close to us, still maintaining his fishy whistles. I failed to cope with my unexpected adrenaline rush as we saw his half-hidden weapon unveiling into a terribly huge killer hammer. Gasping in horror at the very sight, I almost suffered a panic attack; tears tripped down my eyes and I involuntarily hurried K to move away from the danger we caused ourselves. There was no more reassurance from K as he was even more horrified than I was and fretted about not being equipped to save me/us. All the saneness we thought we possessed made us stand helpless in front of a terrifying stranger, proving us to be unwise in every aspect.

Next few crucial seconds:

Before we could reflex act, Mr. Myst(a psychopath) pulled out his hammer and stabbed us hard right across our faces. He robbed us of everything we had the moment we fell unconscious. Neither was there any one to help nor was there hope; A single minute of negligence in scrutinising the place and the situation we were into, resulted in an irreversible damage costing us our lives, leaving behind only silence of the souls repenting

- if only we knew self-defence techniques and had safety essentials in our bag
- if only we were prepared to confront a stranger in a new place, at least by screaming for help
- if only we learnt about the city we planned to travel to, before-hand
- if only we were not over-confident
- if only we saved ourselves

Yes, the next few crucial seconds could have been a bizarre nightmare as stated above or may be even worse, had Mr. Myst attacked us in real.

As luck would have it, Mr. Myst was in deed a good man who hid his hammer from us as he did not want to scare his fellow companions on the lone street. He was apparently whistling in order to comfort me & my frightened senses.
Oh yes, Mr. Husband was/is always right. Everything was actually fine. Mr. Myst simply walked past us in a split second, not even acknowledging us.

We then literally ran out of the street and by god's grace met an autowala who dropped us back safe. While in the auto, we sensed a much needed comforting pin-drop silence as we were limping back to normalcy - regaining our senses - lost in our thoughts. K and I exchanged a weak smile thanking all the goodness we came across that night.

In an hour, my perception of the supposedly romantic empty road in an unfamiliar place totally changed with my thoughts grown more mature and rational. Before I slept that night, I sincerely thanked god for his abundant blessings on us and jotted down all the indispensable life-lessons from that scary night.

1. Thumb rule:  Safety first. "You are your prime responsibility", unquestionably.
Be totally aware of the situation and always be on high alert.
2. Take complete care of yourself and don't ever put yourself at risk unnecessarily.
3. Do not stay out late at any cost. Prepare your trip schedule well ahead of time.
4. Always carry things to protect yourself at any point of time. Eg: Pepper spray, small knife etc.
5. Do not completely rely on anything. Especially your GPS, at an unknown place; it can be misleading.
6. Force yourself to be discreet.
7. Do not hesitate to ask for help when required.
8. Make it a point to learn a new life-skill whenever possible.
9. Be prepared to face anything that might come your way.
10. Do not ignore your instincts.
11. Be bold.

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